the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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