my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize