I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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