i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
