But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize