The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
