Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have already put on my inside pants.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
