Swine flu. Run for my life!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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