I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
