Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
