i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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