if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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