Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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