There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
