What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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