Farmville is her only friend.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I supernannyed him into submission
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
