I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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