WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I touched a dick in church today
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
