i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We are all done wearing pants today
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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