woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
