Who wears a wallet chain?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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