I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
