Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
