I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
