You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
