her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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