if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
