There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
