she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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