my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
