Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
