Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you never un-have a 4some
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
