Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
