3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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