Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Barsexuality is the new black.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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