I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
