You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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