hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
