I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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