When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize