I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
