god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
