you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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