i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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