Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
