Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
