I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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