To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
