you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
