I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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