I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
