Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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