I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
