i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
