I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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