oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i now understand why vodka
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize