a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
