Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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