matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
