I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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