just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
another moral hangover. fuck.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize