I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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