Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize