I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
