how can u be prego again
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
