If that was your dad, he is hot
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Someone shattered a urinal.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
