New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
