bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
