i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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