We're facebook friends in real life
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
