i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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