No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
